1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
