I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
