She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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