we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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