Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
