you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
