I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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