Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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