Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I met the friendliest cop last night
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
