She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
