Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Randomize
