My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
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