The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
