I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
