I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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