I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
