the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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