I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
