You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
