dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
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