is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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