we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
