The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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