We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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