I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
