Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
