thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
