miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
