Jerry, you need to find god
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
