Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I love you.
Bad choice
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
