I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
