just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
PANTIES FOUND
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