my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
