I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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