why do cheetos always look like penises
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Houston, we have a blender
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
