Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Randomize
