Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
