I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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