I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
