it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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