sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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