I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
