No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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