do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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