Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
