I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
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