Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
