if you like me you must not know who I am
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
