Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
