i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
