It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
