After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
