I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
